I was recently watching an episode of "Brain Games," this very cool show on the National Geographic Network. They brought out some very enlightening points about the human tendency to conform as opposed to taking risks. I know that most of us what like to believe that we are actually brave, trailblazing mavericks. But most times, what's closer to the truth is that while we know that we actually should be, we usually not, at least not when it counts. Why is that? I believe it's because of our inherent need for approval and acceptance. 

My youngest daughter shared with me about a recent incident that happened in her 8th grade english class. The teacher had just finished demonstrating a particular method to obtaining a certain answer. My daughter had come to the same conclusion, but had taken a different route. Naturally, once she noticed that her method didn't match her teacher's method, she asked if she was still right. Instead of giving her an simple yes or no, her teacher said, "I don't know. What do you think?" This threw my daughter into a quandary and she began to toggle back and forth between yes and no before finally shrugging her shoulders in defeat. Later, her teacher shared that she didn't ask the question to confuse her, but to see if she understood that it's absolutely acceptable to reach the same answer in a different way. In other words she was encouraging my daughter to THINK FOR HERSELF!

This problem isn't just exclusive to children. How many times have you as an adult gone against your gut instinct for fear of failure or disapproval from others? When you were in Kindergarten, coloring outside the lines was not only fun but admirable. However, as you grew older, being adventurous and curious began to take a backseat to the more pressing need to NOT be wrong. Just check out most any public school classroom on any given day. You'd be hard-pressed to find a room full of eager young knowledge-miners with their hands in the air just itching for a chance to tackle the problem or join the discussion. Most likely you'll hear the lone voice of a teacher, who might even long for someone to ask a question or pose a different option, and a group of students who are too afraid to risk tackling the problem. Could this be the explanation as to why so many of today's graduating high school seniors are found to be suffering such a severe learning gap by the time they reach college?  

I can't tell you how many parents and educators I've heard complain about the apparent evaporation of good old-fashioned common sense among young people who give every indication that they really are as bright as we think they are. But what might we be doing to contribute to the problem? Even more importantly, what are we doing to eliminate it? Here are some suggested switch-ups worth making:

Instead of...
  • Projecting your own irrational fears upon your child
  • Being too consumed with perfection rather than progress
  • Not allowing your child to fail his/her way forward
  • Not setting a higher standard of expectation of your child
  • Not allowing your child to take enough risks
  • Being a micro-manager
Try...
  • Doing more listening than talking, especially as they get older
  • More guiding and less telling (allow him/her room for discovery)
  • Being more willing to try new things yourself. It affirms that the the joy is in the journey, not the destination
  • Focusing more on your child's small victories (i.e., acknowledge that she went from missing 20 points on the math quiz to only missing 10 this time)
  • Giving your child more opportunities to show himself/herself a creative thinker (i.e., "You get to plan what we're going to do as a family this weekend.")
  • Not forcing your assistance. Just let him/her know you're available to help
  • Verbally asserting your belief in the power of his/her own unique abilities every chance you get
We all need to be affirmed. But the first step toward affirmation is not in what others think of you, but what you think of yourself. Demonstrate this principle to your young scholar. Give him the challenge and the chance to think for himself and watch his confidence and progress rise like a phoenix out of the ashes!



Mamaversity - Putting the LOVE back into LEARNING