mamaversity

Go Ahead, Make Mistakes!

Mon, 04 Dec 2017 20:23:28 +0100

Mistakes. They’re a beautiful mess! To be clear, I’m talking about the kind of mistakes that are life-affirming, not life-altering. We don’t like to make them, yet mistakes are a boundless resource of opportunity and insight. I sometimes wonder if our children are missing out on this. I often find my teenage daughter vacillating between obsessing over her G.P.A. and reminding herself to focus on the process, not the product, of learning. I often remind her that mistakes (i.e., missed exam questions) are a common and necessary part of learning. They are the evidence of trying, and trying paves the rocky road toward discovery.

Ah, discovery! That thing that led to the invention of the light bulb, inkjet printers, and Post-It Notes. All of these things came about either from a series of trial and error or an attempt at one thing which led to something way better.

Mistakes sometimes get a bad rap because of the mess left in their aftermath. But there is a sweet spot in the middle of all that mess that gives value to mistakes. That sweet spot is where error meets enlightenment. It’s here where the MESSAGE emerges from the mess and helps you learn how to steer your way through to success.

I think sometimes we as parents can bend too far on the side of caution. Covering your child’s mistakes, doing everything you can to help them avoid making them, or being overly critical when they do make them could wind up subverting the very thing that inspires self-confidence and resilience. Instead of being fearful of mistakes, I believe you can teach your child to embrace them as guides to discovery.

Remember when your child took his/her first steps, how proud you were? Remember how supportive and patient you were then? They hadn't yet mastered walking, but you were so proud of their attempts that you shared the news with anyone within earshot. How about going back to that same attitude as they train through trying, learning the next math skill, auditioning for a part in the school play, or filling out their first job application? Make it a point to encourage them to learn from their losses and stand on their wins. I find that promoting this ideology to my own children has made them much more intuitive, resourceful, and excited about becoming lifelong learners.

Nothing beats a failure but a try!

5 Ways to Help Your Child Beat the Back to School Blues

Wed, 12 Aug 2015 17:48:16 +0100

It's August already? Where did the time go?

Soon the school buses will be rolling out and the school bells will be chiming again. Now tell the truth parents. Aren't you just a little bit happy about that? (It's okay... I won't tell!)

You may be ready to scoot your young scholar out of the door and back to school but she may be dragging her heels in protest. Why? Because of the age-old angst that the end of summer always brings. No more free time to play video games, go on vacations, or just lounge around the house. Now it's time to get back to work. Once students are faced with this reality, that's when the Back-to-School Blues usually begin to set in.

Let's be honest. Studying can be labor-intensive sometimes, but learning shouldn't be that way. At least not in my opinion. That's why I'm offering five ways to help you put the love of learning back into the heart of your child, despite the upcoming challenges the new school year may bring.

Pray with your child. Sometimes prayer is used as the last resort when it should be the first action we take. Don't wait until you get a negative report from the teacher. Lay the groundwork to invite the presence of God to be with your child as he strives to learn this year. Praying with your young scholar will help to give him peace about heading back into the classroom. It will also reinforce the fact that you have his back and that he has a faithful support system in God and his parents.
Get some goals in mind. A challenge is always best met when you can picture the end result beforehand. That's where goals come in handy. Have your child to make a list goals he'd like to accomplish by the end of this school year. They can be related to academics, sports, fine arts or whatever, just as long as they revolve around school. Talk to him about the steps he plans to take to reach those goals and be ready to help him adjust them when. (We all know things don't always go as planned). Have him post his goals in a place where he can see them every day, and periodically review them with him to chart his progress.
Be transparent. Share a story with your child about your own bouts with the Back-to-School Blues and tell her how you overcame them. Children feel safer and more at ease when their parents are open enough to be vulnerable with them. Just knowing that your obstacles didn't stop you will help your young scholar to know that the ones she may face this year can't stop her either.
Offer some new incentives. We all like to be rewarded sometimes. You may already have a reward system in place for your child (I.e., a certain amount of money for each A he gets on his report card, stickers, treat days, etc.). If you do, then try switching it up a little this year. No fresh ideas? Go to the source. Just ask your child. Perhaps what motivated her last year just doesn't do it for her anymore. Find out what does and offer those new incentives to give her something to look forward to as she begins this new school year.
Plan one last summer fling! Don't say goodbye to summer just yet. It's easy to get so caught up in shopping for school supplies and making schedules that you forget to enjoy this new beginning with your child. Plan one last fun fling you can do as a family; something you know will supercharge your child's spirit and make great memories that all of you can reflect upon later. It can be as grand as taking a mini-vacay during Labor Day weekend or as simple as a family movie night at home. Try springing it on him as a surprise and watch him just light up!

Let us know if these tips prove to be helpful to you and your young scholar. Also, if you have some of your own creative back-to-school tips, traditions, and ideas, post them here in our comments section or on our Mamaversity Facebook page. We'd love to hear about them.

Happy New School Year Everyone!

Are you Pushing the 'Break' Out of Your Child's Summer?

Wed, 10 Jun 2015 21:33:18 +0100

Remember when summer break used to mean riding bikes, playing in the park, going swimming at the neighborhood pool, and sitting outside laughing with your friends while enjoying a cool sweet treat? After nine months of bell schedules, bus rides, tests, and endless homework, you could look forward to some down time. Time to just relax, be a kid and have fun. Sometimes, a family vacay was even thrown into the mix when it was affordable. But even if you didn’t get to go away to grandma’s or some theme park, you still had all those days of fun in the sun to look forward to; making memories with your friends that would last a lifetime.

But it seems that nowadays, summer is just school in an alternate universe. Now, more and more parents feel compelled to sign their children up for academic, sports, and fine arts camps in an effort to give their young scholar a competitive edge. Even enjoying a good book or two has now been replaced by almost mandatory enrollment in the summer reading contest at your local library, which is chock full of all kinds of enticing incentives that are designed to ratchet up your child’s interest in reading. Now, before you light the torches and storm the castle on me, let me just say that I am a HUGE advocate of providing my children with varied learning and development opportunities. I always have been. All I’m saying is that you have to be careful not to get sucked into the popular notion that if your child doesn’t have his nose stuck in a book every day of summer break, or he’s not attending an 8-week-long STEM training camp, it’ll lessen his chances of being successful in life. That’s just not true.

What is true is that if children are not given an appropriate amount of downtime to just enjoy things that they like to do, or to just be lazy or bored sometimes, they may later have difficulty developing a healthy work-life balance as well as form and keep healthy relationships. We need look no further than our own overworked and overwhelmed generation for proof of this.

What I'm promoting here is not a choice of all or nothing, but more importantly, BALANCE, and it begins with you, Mom and Dad. When you shift your focus from just doing to actually being, just like everything else you do, it will rub off on your child and he/she will become better equipped to setting their own proper priorities. The pay-off will be a very meaningful and enjoyable life. If you love our child as much as I believe you do, that's ultimately all you really want for them anyway.

Now get out there and enjoy those beautiful summer days together!

Why Every Young Scholar Needs to Know the Power of the Pen

Thu, 23 Apr 2015 13:56:53 +0100

Among the greatest gifts from our forefathers was the ability to translate passions and providence, problems and parodies, and all things provocative into articulate words - simply understood and powerfully felt. Their compelling editorials, appeals, and pleas shaped the way we do business and orchestrated the fabric of our culture. Despite the impact of well-written words, it seems today that for many, it is a lost art. While numerous adults suffer from its lack of existence, it seems our children are at the greatest risk for reverberating damage. Here's why.

Although technology moves along rapidly and our children seem to catch the wave, they must not only be literate in the lingo. Often comfortable with their interpretation skills of electronic buzz words, they miss the art of communication that is aligned with the very concepts they treasure. For every app, there was first a pitch. Their favorite stars, first agreed to language-laden contracts. The tech toys they can't live without, were first designed with pictures and proposals - filled with words. While they enjoy life as consumers, are they also able to contribute to others' enjoyment as producers? That will require an acuity for writing.

Beyond technology, humanity is an emotional sort, even when they don't believe so. The people whose pockets drive the economy are constantly seeking to be pleased, compelled, and impressed. How do we do this? Primarily, with what we say. Whether through commercials, music, media, or memorabilia, the ability to craft messages with effectiveness and efficiency is what empowers both leaders and unknowns to move the masses. Is your scholar able to communicate with calmness, creativity, and candor? That's how jobs are landed. That's how client bases are cultivated. That's how businesses began booming - as a result of the power of a pen.

When our scholars demonstrate that they are visionary in nature, and we recognize the potential of their impact, we must be sure to align their strengths with the craft that can catalyze their success. Writing is a skill to be nurtured and developed to enable them to transfer their experiences, not merely as an opinion or bland review of facts; but, as a powerful tool for change; an insightful, evocative moment; a call to action on behalf of the under-served. We know we've invested in them the seeds of optimism, tenacity, and fervor. Let's also equip them with the power of the pen - so they can write the histories of the future.

This month's guest blogger

Carla M. Brown, BSBA, MM-HRM

Educator, Speaker, Writer, Coach

Have We Made Our Kids Too Afraid to Think?

Wed, 22 Apr 2015 16:06:33 +0100

I was recently watching an episode of "Brain Games," this very cool show on the National Geographic Network. They brought out some very enlightening points about the human tendency to conform as opposed to taking risks. I know that most of us what like to believe that we are actually brave, trailblazing mavericks. But most times, what's closer to the truth is that while we know that we actually should be, we usually not, at least not when it counts. Why is that? I believe it's because of our inherent need for approval and acceptance.

My youngest daughter shared with me about a recent incident that happened in her 8th grade english class. The teacher had just finished demonstrating a particular method to obtaining a certain answer. My daughter had come to the same conclusion, but had taken a different route. Naturally, once she noticed that her method didn't match her teacher's method, she asked if she was still right. Instead of giving her an simple yes or no, her teacher said, "I don't know. What do you think?" This threw my daughter into a quandary and she began to toggle back and forth between yes and no before finally shrugging her shoulders in defeat. Later, her teacher shared that she didn't ask the question to confuse her, but to see if she understood that it's absolutely acceptable to reach the same answer in a different way. In other words she was encouraging my daughter to THINK FOR HERSELF!

This problem isn't just exclusive to children. How many times have you as an adult gone against your gut instinct for fear of failure or disapproval from others? When you were in Kindergarten, coloring outside the lines was not only fun but admirable. However, as you grew older, being adventurous and curious began to take a backseat to the more pressing need to NOT be wrong. Just check out most any public school classroom on any given day. You'd be hard-pressed to find a room full of eager young knowledge-miners with their hands in the air just itching for a chance to tackle the problem or join the discussion. Most likely you'll hear the lone voice of a teacher, who might even long for someone to ask a question or pose a different option, and a group of students who are too afraid to risk tackling the problem. Could this be the explanation as to why so many of today's graduating high school seniors are found to be suffering such a severe learning gap by the time they reach college?

I can't tell you how many parents and educators I've heard complain about the apparent evaporation of good old-fashioned common sense among young people who give every indication that they really are as bright as we think they are. But what might we be doing to contribute to the problem? Even more importantly, what are we doing to eliminate it? Here are some suggested switch-ups worth making:

Instead of...

Projecting your own irrational fears upon your child
Being too consumed with perfection rather than progress
Not allowing your child to fail his/her way forward
Not setting a higher standard of expectation of your child
Not allowing your child to take enough risks
Being a micro-manager

Try...

Doing more listening than talking, especially as they get older
More guiding and less telling (allow him/her room for discovery)
Being more willing to try new things yourself. It affirms that the the joy is in the journey, not the destination
Focusing more on your child's small victories (i.e., acknowledge that she went from missing 20 points on the math quiz to only missing 10 this time)
Giving your child more opportunities to show himself/herself a creative thinker (i.e., "You get to plan what we're going to do as a family this weekend.")
Not forcing your assistance. Just let him/her know you're available to help
Verbally asserting your belief in the power of his/her own unique abilities every chance you get

We all need to be affirmed. But the first step toward affirmation is not in what others think of you, but what you think of yourself. Demonstrate this principle to your young scholar. Give him the challenge and the chance to think for himself and watch his confidence and progress rise like a phoenix out of the ashes!

Mamaversity - Putting the LOVE back into LEARNING

MAMASHARE: Tips For the High School Years

Fri, 08 Aug 2014 18:38:46 +0100

As promised, I've got a post from a guest blogger. Her name is Rhonda Miller-Eaglin, an educator with 24 years of experience, and mother of a recent 2013 high school graduate. We asked her to share a few of the lessons that she learned during her daughter's high school years, and she didn't disappoint. As the 2014-15 school year approaches, you can be armed with real-life advice from someone who's been there and done that. Here's what Rhonda has to share with you and your high school scholar:

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Blast off!

STAY FOCUSED
-Start taking the PSAT/SAT early. Attend study sessions and take the test as often as possible to become acclimated with the format.

STAY AHEAD
-Take dual credit courses when the opportunity presents itself. Check with your child's counselor to see if your child qualifies as early as the tenth grade.

STAY ALERT
-Request a transcript to insure the accuracy of courses, grades, conduct and attendance.

STAY INVOLVED
-Keep students active in organizations that spark their interest. College admissions officers want to see versatility in a student.

STAY ON TRACK
-Make sure that students take personal/career assessments(these can be taken online) to identify their niche. This will assist with identifying a college major.

STAY CONNECTED
-Immerse students with material that gives insight to their desired major or career path. Provide them with volunteer options in the area as well.

STAY OPEN MINDED
-Know that a four year degree is not the only option to fulfilling a dream. Community colleges offer two year programs that can adequately prepare individuals for lifelong careers.

STAY INFORMED
-Be your child's advocate and make frequent visits to the counselor and visit the school's college site daily to search for scholarships as early as ninth grade.

STAY ON YOUR KNEES
-Prayer is the key and faith unlocks the door. Pray with your child about decisions that will impact their future.

STAY HUMBLE
-Humbly submit yourself to God and HE will lead you in the path of righteousness.

Thanks Momfessor Rhonda!

How To Be Bored

Fri, 11 Jul 2014 15:40:50 +0100

It's the middle of summer. The last school year is a distant memory and the upcoming school year is looming on the horizon. Right about now your kids are probably feeling like they're stuck in The Great Divide. Summer camps have most likely ended or about to end, and there's not a whole lot going on during the day. Inevitably, you'll hear the usual, "I'm bored" or "There's nothing to do." What do you do?

You could amaze them with stories of your youth and how you and your friends would make your own fun, but you'll probably get some sighs and rolling eyes in response. I mean, Geez! How many times have they heard you say, "When I was your age..."

Boredom is not something that has to be fixed. There's nothing wrong with it. It just needs to be used the right way. That's right. I did just say that. The actual definition of boredom is "the state of being bored; weary because one is unoccupied or lacks interests in one's current activity." So let's break it down into manageable components.

1. Unoccupied time. What so wrong with that? Nothing. Humans are not made to be ON all the time. We need down time. Just as sleep gives the physical body a chance to regroup and replenish, unoccupied time gives the mind that same opportunity. Now, Mom, Dad, in order for this to work, you have to lead before they'll follow. How much do you appreciate your unoccupied time? Hmmm... *Cough* I'll just leave you with that thought.

2. Lacking interest in one's current activity. Think of those times when you must engage or pay attention and you can't just whip out your cell phone and play twenty rounds of Angry Birds. The dreaded summer reading assignment comes to mind. If you've got a reluctant reader on your hands, the suggested reading list doesn't always do much to help the situation. If the book is not about something they're interested in (which is usually the case), here comes the boredom. So even though your son knows that once school starts he's going to be expected to participate in a group discussion about the assigned book, he still does his best to keep it at bay until you nag him to crack it open. Not looking forward to this fight? Then here are a couple of hacks to help ease the pain:

If you start early enough, you can read a chapter, not every day, but perhaps every other day, out loud together. Then quiz each other on certain facts about what you read.
Make a game of it. Offer some small prize or incentive for finishing the book by a certain time. Of course, you still might want to include some kind of assessment, perhaps NAME THAT BOOK style, to make sure he actually understood what he read.
Have your son teach you about the book like he's telling the story himself. As he completes each chapter, he can give you the update on what's going on with the characters and the plot. He can also express how he feels about the progression of the story.

It's perfectly okay to let those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer be just that. Lazy, hazy, and crazy. I know every Tiger Mom out there probably has a target on my back for saying that, but it's true. Some of the best times of your life have happened without your help. Give your child the luxury to just BE before the school bell starts ringing again. Who knows what creative currents may start flowing in that stellar mind of theirs! Once the new school year begins, you just may see a happier, more positive and better-adjusted young scholar than you've ever seen before.

Highlights From Parents Pow-Wow (Saturday, June 28th)

Mon, 30 Jun 2014 23:25:33 +0100

Wow! What a time we had this past Saturday at our first MAMAVERSITY Parents Pow-Wow. If you missed it, here are some highlights.

MAMAVERSITY OVERVIEW: MAMAVERSITY LEAD COACHES, Tracy Dennis and Yolanda Cameron

The three pillars of our coaching model: Character, Creative Thinking, and Creativity. Good CHARACTER leads to mature THINKING skills that help CREATIVITY to flow in the best way
Set a CODE OF CONDUCT in your home. It’s a standard your teen can use to self-evaluate and hold themselves accountable. Rules and boundaries must not only be set, they must be enforced to be taken seriously.
Try to RELATE more than INTERROGATE: Instead of “I don’t know why you like playing that old silly video game so much!” Try “This looks kind of interesting. How do you do that?”
Be willing to come out of your own comfort zone and try things that your son/daughter enjoys.
We need to return to a “Village” mentality where we not only care for our own children, but we also reach out and get involved in the lives of other children in our communities. The fear we overcome now will eliminate the fear we may have later when those children grow up without proper guidance.
Seek out opportunities to show care and offer your wisdom and experience to younger, less experienced parents. Don't talk about them. Reach out to them.

BEHIND THE CLASSROOM DOOR: Mrs. Rennette Brown Lucien, HS Teacher

COMMUNICATION IS KEY! 1)From parent to teacher/administrator 2)From parent to scholar 3)From scholar to teacher 4)From teacher to scholar 5)From teacher to parent.
Use the available technology to manage your scholar’s progress AND to communicate with your child's teachers.
Visit and volunteer at your teen's school as often as you can.
Get in your teen’s business! Be alert and aware of your teen's online activities, social activities, academic responsibilities, and relationships.
READING remains the skill that is most lacking among African-American and Latino students. Find out what interests them and use a variety of means to engage them in not only reading and researching, but tell them stories. They may be older, but they still learn from them.
COLLABORATIVE LEARNING: Create a learning lifestyle by being open about what you still need to learn, even as an adult. Look for ways that you and your child can learn together (i.e., a cooking or music class). Give your teen opportunities to teach YOU something that they have mastered.

PARENT SELF-CARE: Ms. Andrea Works, M.A. (Licensed Professional Counselor)

Take stock of your own life balance. Are you taking on too much? Is your schedule to hectic? Do you find it hard to relax? Are you too stressed? Do you have unhealthy eating habits? Remember, your child learns more from what you DO than what you SAY.
Texas is one of the lowest rated states in the U.S. when it comes to mental healthcare and mental health awareness.
Mental illness should be taken just as seriously as physical health, with the same concern and compassion.
Help to take the stigma away from seeking the help of a mental health professional by learning the scope of mental healthcare (it's more than you think) and spreading awareness to your family and friends.
Don’t allow cultural misconceptions like, “If you need to see a counselor, you must be crazy,” or “Just pray more. Everything will be alright,” stop you from seeking help for you or for your teen if you feel you need it.
There are free and low-cost counseling options available in our city. Check with your local hospital or get a referral from your neighborhood clinic or medical doctor.
There is more to counseling and psychiatric care than just lying on a couch or being medicated for every little thing. Arm yourself with the right information.
Everyone needs a safe environment to deconstruct the troubling areas of life in an objective manner.
There is nothing wrong with seeking help if you’re not able to sleep, you feel nervous and anxious most of the time, you have trouble managing your emotions, etc.
You need a comprehensive support group (Your Village) to not only help you, but listen to you, give you honest, constructive feedback, and to hold you accountable and keep you on track.

Got questions about the highlights? Leave a comment on our blog page.

Want to know more about what we do for Houston area tweens and teens? Subscribe to our MAMAVERSITY blog today and stay in the loop on all our future happenings!

Mother Wit Monday: I Can Show You Better Than I Can Tell You

Mon, 23 Jun 2014 17:32:18 +0100

Today, I was reminded of a remark I would often hear from my parents (mostly when I was in trouble).

"I can show you better than I can tell you!"

Did you ever get threatened with that one? Technically, it was one of the old standbys that parents would use to help you get whatever point they were trying to drive home. Trust me, you didn't want to get to that point though!

But let's take a different spin on it. It's a known fact that our children absorb more of what we do than what we say. So in essence, yes, we CAN show them better than we can tell them. That being said, it would be wise to examine just what, exactly, we're showing them.

Are we showing them rudeness and impatience as they're watching us drive around town, or are we showing them restraint and patience? Are we showing them how to be profane and rude when they overhear our phone conversations, or are we demonstrating courtesy and kindness? Get the picture?

I guest today all I really want do is prompt all of us to be more mindful about the indirect messages we are sending to our kids than what we say to them directly. Believe it or not, they are very good at detecting what's fake about adults. So, the kind of life habits we at least try to exercise before them will go further to support our words than anything else will.

Keep putting the LOVE back into learning!

Which Comes First, Character or Critical Thinking?

Tue, 27 May 2014 16:33:43 +0100

It’s like the age-old question: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? But when it comes to character or critical thinking, I believe that it is a matter of which will benefit you more in the long run.

Here’s a case in point. I was watching a true crime program the other day about a man who was a decorated colonel in the Canadian Forces. He was intelligent, skillful, experienced, knowledgeable, and by all accounts, respectable. On paper he was impressive. In appearance, he was impeccable. But in fact, he was a depraved serial killer. This same man was convicted of raping and murdering several young women over a period of several years. He not only confessed to these crimes, but the evidence that led to his capture included very graphic, disturbing video tapes which he made while committing these horrible acts, giving a glimpse into just how devoid of character he really was. People in his community were completely stunned.

Now, this is an extreme case, I know. But I chose to recount it here because it so clearly points to our tendency to overlook WHO a person is because we are so focused on WHAT they produce. In spite of their great accomplishments, some of the most brilliant people in history were actually despised by many because of their undeveloped character. In essence, they gained the whole world but lost their souls.

Is this the kind of life we want to lead our young scholars into? Surely not! Therefore, we as parents and educators would do well to emphasize and even prioritize the development of character above the development of critical thinking skills. Are critical skills important? Yes, indeed they are. But I believe that they are more easily developed and more aptly appropriated when they are founded upon the tenets of good character: trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring, and citizenship.

Having and keeping a clear sense of right and wrong will ultimately guide them in their thinking, thereby producing actions that are not only intelligent, but wise.